If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
