Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
