jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize