I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize