I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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