im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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