his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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