think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
