All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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