she looked like the before picture.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
