don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
