when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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