When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
