I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So much rum. So many feels.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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