Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I looked at my own cervix.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
