Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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