i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
