Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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