Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
