I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
