it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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