I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
