well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
