i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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