Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
