Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize