Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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