Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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