First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
