I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
