Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
