Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
