He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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