peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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