She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
