So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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