I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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