I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
why is half of my head shaved?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
