just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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