just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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