I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
