I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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