I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize