I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
