Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm passing your future prison.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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