im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
