the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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