i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
