It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i came on her dog
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
