ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
