I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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