One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
