Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize