After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
