Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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