you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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