Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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