My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
