He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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