She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We don't watch enough power rangers
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm like, not good at living.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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