There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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