Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
