How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
