It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
