Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
