She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
