i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
