i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
