Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
