just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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