alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
