the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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