also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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