I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
