i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
