I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We are all done wearing pants today
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
