so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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